What I Would Say To My Ex
Almost as a rule after a break-up, all the words you wish you had said come flooding when it is way too late. Sometimes they are full of hurtful reminders, sometimes helpful insight and other times just blind rage. Most of the time there are realisations too real and too raw to ever be spoken aloud.
So instead, we asked some girls to share with us the vulnerable, powerful and brutally honest words they wish they could say to their ex:
(They have remained anonymous for obvious reasons).
"I wish that you could’ve run towards love instead of away from it every time you weren’t perfect, or I wasn’t perfect - something that reminded you of yourself. That you would’ve allowed yourself to grow in your sense of worth with every gesture I made instead of worry about never being able to reciprocate with the same. I knew you weren’t in a good space but you didn’t have to be for me to love you. I wish you had believed in that so that even if you didn’t end up with me, you would’ve ended up with somebody. But you’re still running and I see it in you when you talk about your life. Even now, on the other side of a broken heart where I don’t want you anymore, I wish you would allow yourself to be loved and feel the gravity of what that means by the next, or the many girls. Your heart will never be satisfied otherwise. In turn, you will love somebody the same."
"10 years is a long time to be with someone. I am a pretty different person now than I was a decade ago and you are too – and that’s okay. I know this now but I spent a long time blindly trying to push our different paths back together. I know now the strengths I am so proud of personally, because they served me well in my career and as a supportive friend, mama and daughter but didn’t make me the best partner for you. Being super confident, competent and efficient made me feel so damn good about me but it didn’t leave a lot of space for you. I’m sorry. I was so attached to being the best partner of the two of us, so attached to doing it all. I wished you were more and you needed me to be less."
"Thank you for being my first love but a big f*ck you for being my first heartbreak."
"I wish I could tell you that now I see how your insecurity affected us. How I emptied myself for you and all I had to show for it was your voice telling me the ways I could never be good enough. How now I know that it wasn’t you humbling me, it was control, and how I have promised myself never to compromise who I am for someone who requests that I stand straighter to make my thighs look smaller. But I also want to tell you how much stronger I am now because of it. How what you saw as flaws and inconveniences have grown and blossomed into my greatest assets and I am absolutely loving moving forward into a life I never thought I would get to live."
"I wish I could tell you how many days I spent crying after I left you and how many times reaching for my phone it took before I taught myself not to call and ask about your day anymore. I want you to know how grateful I am that through this I learnt that love can take many forms. That it can be staring us in the face and still be the wrong time or place, and that sometimes walking away will be the part where another kind of love kicks in, and it’s painful but still really beautiful. I wish we could go back to the start and both be better versions of ourselves. I wish you knew that you were nothing like I imagined and I was f*cking terrified of love but I saw something in you that I was prepared to take a chance on. I wish that you’d let yourself do the same for me."
"Thank you. I mean, I remember the angst and tears and the inevitable breakup but more clearly I remember falling in love (what a feeling!), the sex, the adventures and the friendship. I would do it all again."
"I want you to know that I am resilient, I am intelligent, I am funny, I am attractive. My career is not cute, my curves are not laughable, my friends actually do really like me. I am a thousand different things at any given moment and I love myself for each one. I am worthy of those things being seen, in ways that you could not see them. I am glad that you left. Those are things I never would’ve known if you’d stayed. I want you to know that I forgive you in waves. I have to do that, because what you did comes over me in waves. Some things that you said still rise to the surface even now, and I have to speak against them. I actively tell myself all of the above most days. I want you to know that I am still capable of the fiercest, most ridiculous kind of love. That part of me never faltered. I do not fear vulnerability. I am not jaded or reserved when it comes to my heart. I am courageous and I am gracious, and I hope you heal. I hope you learn to love the way that I’ve always just known how to."
"I wanted to wait to have sex, whereas you weren’t that phased. If I’m completely honest, I feel like I would have had sex with you in the coming months, but the sole reason would have been because I felt bad about wanting to wait. But I think that is maybe more of a reflection on me, as it shows that I was not going to stand strong and give in too easily. It makes me so angry that I feel like you have the upper hand because you were the one who broke up with me. I want to be the one to find a new partner first, because as bad as it is I kind of want you to get jealous. I don’t know if that’s just human nature or if I’m not over it. No, I think I’m over it."
"Fighting for your love was an exhausting and wasteful pastime. I think I was with you out of love and you we’re with me out of habit. Your glass was always half empty and in the process of being together, you were pouring out everything I had left in mine. The thing is, you weren’t better than me. Let’s be honest, we both know you thought you were. It took me being on my own to realise how much more lonely I had felt when I was with you. A year on, I know our break up was the best thing to ever happen to us. I used to feel ashamed and embarrassed that I still cried about our demise months after. The power lies with the one who cares less right? But now I feel sorry for you. Because I don’t think you changed at all and now I’m miles ahead of the girl I was I was when we were together. I forgive you for everything. Not because I think you deserved it or because I think you cared. But because your ego is too big to ever realise what you did wrong and I no longer feel the need to carry that kind of resentment for you in my heart. You will always be my first love and I’m grateful for everything our years together taught me. I think I’ll probably compare you to every other guy after you, but not for the reasons you want."