A Different Kind Of Love Letter
By Laura Taylor
I was close to titling this “Things I Learnt Binge-Watching Sex And The City” but figured that mayyy turn some people off. However, in Season Three between cheating on Aidan and debating whether or not she can date a twenty-something guy - Carrie spends an entire episode diving into the importance of friendship and comes to this very-Bradshaw conclusion; “and then I realised, you have the family you were born into and the one you make for yourself”.
I’ve spent the past year for the first time in my young adult life single, and honestly I didn’t think I would last a month. I’d been in relationships for the most past of six years, and didn’t really know myself out of one, we’ll touch on co-dependency another time. And through that period I couldn't help but realise (in true Carrie fashion), we have seriously underrated friendship.
When I’m sick I indulge in nostalgia and start scrolling through my photo stream (super healthy behaviour). A couple of weeks ago - under a duvet feeling sorry for my fluey self - as I scrolled through old memories and new faces I was hit by how happy I have been. For the past few years, I had distanced myself from fully engaging with life, certain that at some point the ground was going to fall out from under my feet. But searching through my camera roll I noticed, somewhere along the way I had stopped expecting the worst - and big part of it was the letting people I was surrounded by love me, and bring me back.
So this is a open love letter to real, no holds-barred, adult friendship and I’m warning you, it’s unbelievably sappy. Read it, and then go and bloody love your friends - this world can be a lonely ol’ place so let them love you too.
I ran an event earlier this year, and for the first time in a while, I felt sad I didn’t have someone to share it with. Until I realised, I felt more support than any relationship I've had ever offered. You volunteered to help, you packed goodie bags, you attended, you sent congrats messages and the next day I was greeted by a table of you sipping prosecco (can’t get more SATC than that) who after celebrating sent me straight home to bed to rest, despite my protest.
There is something so freeing in knowing you will just be there. You taught me how to be vulnerable, how to ask for help, and how to rely on other people. You’ve walked me through my breakups, breakdowns, first jobs, test results, family news, trials, job offers. You’ve cried with me, picked me up, held me and fed me. You are my biggest supporter and confidant, you gave me a place I felt safe enough to share my flaws and shortcomings.
You also pushed me, to try harder, do better and learn more about myself. You encouraged me to get comfortable with being uncomfortable, to spend time alone, to go inwards and be okay with my own headspace. You gave me a hard word, pulled me back in line and made me toughen up. You checked in, kept me accountable and reminded me of my worth. You helped me break lies, enforced truths and reminded me my smile was okay.
We’ve made new routines, learnt new hobbies together and taken awful pictures in bathrooms. You’ve come to shitty gigs, listened enthusiastically to half-written songs or rants on my latest theory, and patiently helped me verbally process these posts into fruition. We’ve sat in dark restaurants for hours until the waiter stops offering water, and the same songs represent pivotal moments in our shared history.
Sometimes you’ve been older and given me wisdom from your full years of life. You inspire me and teach me about how to love and live well. You reassure me things will be okay, and remind me that sometimes, it is what it is.
And thank you for the everyday; the middle of the night phone calls, bottles of red wine and pasta, long beach walks, love notes, messenger paragraphs, getaways, hard words, stargazing, pad thai & pastries, books and articles, bunches of flowers, hair stroking and endless coffee dates.
Thank you for teaching me that love can look so different, and is so much more than one person could ever hold.
PS. Happy 20th Birthday SATC, we love ya